A solo holiday

Well, I’m on my way… waiting at the train station for the first of two trains (and then a bus) that will take me to the Gold Coast for a weekend away. Woo!

Mum and my step-dad had planned a mini break but couldn’t make it at the last minute, and kindly offered the (flash!) apartment to me and hubby. I was over the moon (beach!) but hubby was spectacularly underwhelmed and texted me a flat “I don’t want to go” and then stopped communicating. I was baffled, and hurt, but am trying not to let that ruin my chance for some much needed rest and relaxation.

It seems he and his dad were working on our house yesterday (which I very much appreciate…) and had decided to work some more over the weekend. He didn’t feel he could postpone this or leave his dad to do the work alone. I have two different responses warring in my head… one decidedly less charitable than the other!

Selfish voice: your dad is a carpenter and skilled handyman – he normally does most (or all) of the work,  often while you sit inside and watch tv. Renos have only happened on a few days over the past few weeks and the work has been very sporadic all year (breaks for parents-in-law to go on holidays, when mother-in-law was unwell, when father-in-law went fishing or did things with / for other people, when hubby was too lazy to do anything and made up excuses to put it off…). Neither hubby (unemployed) or FIL (retired) work – why must this weekend be when the work happens??? Our relationship is under a lot of strain – why can’t he take two days out to holiday with his damn wife? And finally… why the heck couldn’t we have gone down  yesterday evening, spent the night, and hubby headed home to help out at midday?

To clarify, this particular hotel on the coast is a 45 min drive from our house or a nearly 3 hour commute via public transport… which I’m doing solo, this morning, because I had safety concerns about going last night. To further clarify, I literally cannot remember the last time we spent a night in a hotel room by ourselves (that is, not sharing with family) – it must be years.

The nicer, more empathetic me is saying: it’s good that he wants to help his dad. You should be insanely grateful for the help you’re getting with the house and shouldn’t do anything to jeopardise it. It’s not fair to expect hubby to drop you to the hotel / come stay the night, just because you can’t drive (angry side note: I pay for his car, petrol and rego… couldn’t afford another car anyway!). Maybe his flat out refusal to go isn’t a rejection of you / a lack of desire to have a romantic (free!) weekend away but is about something else…

I guess the truth is somewhere in the middle. I’ve had a rough week (my best mate at work and another good friend finished up at work this week, and a third resigned, to compound the other issues) so I’m going to grab this opportunity for some beach time to try and centre myself.

I quite like time alone – I guess I just prefer to choose when that will be 🙂 I’ve brought yoga clothes, a nice dress (yep, going to splurge and take myself out to dinner, solo) and my laptop (Kindle library!). My brother, who I adore, might come down and spend some time with me.

So… I’m hoping this post will help me purge those ugly feelings anjd let them go… ready to enjoy a wonderful, unexpected break that is the result of the love and generosity of my mum.

Here are a couple of pins that I’m using to try and get myself in the right headspace… will post some photos when I finally get to the coast!


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